--»

Andy

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The Slippery Fishwife - Issue One

Welcome, dear readers, to the inaugural issue of The Slippery Fishwife, your soon to be one-stop-shop for all information, rumours and secrets around Vercuso. We're hoping to succeed in a market where others have failed; others such as Treasures and Tentacles, Mad Mango's Briny Broadsheet and The Slippery Jack Appreciation Society's Weekly Newsletter.

Strange figures have been seen lurking in the alleys and sewers of our pleasant town. Some witnesses report rotted faces behind tattered hoods, bones jutting from battered armour and of grinning skulls in the night. Others speak of strange creatures loping across the sands of Dead Ship Bay, of fleeting shapes in the periphery of their vision. Most reports are unfounded, coming from crackpots and vagrants, but one or two tales have been told by respectable members of the public.

The town magistrate, the notable Viktor Bansant, talked of his startling encounter with a heinous beast in the twilight hours. He spoke of noises in his house, and of investigating them, sabre in hand ready to fight off what he assumed to be a cat burglar. He called to the raider, and when it turned, Bansant tells of its grotesque features, its distorted face, haired body and apish limbs. He screamed and the thing retreated into the street.

Some say these ghoulish happenings are connected with the rumour that the Seal of Sigmund has landed upon our shores, but only the gullible and the foolish believe it is actually here. We encourage any dimwits to cease such talk, as it tends to attract unwanted guests.

And speaking of unwanted guests, fame-hungry warbands are already turning up on our vibrant shores, stalking silently up the docks in the night or announcing their arrival with as much fanfare as is affordable. These incalculable rogues are already causing havoc, and numerous skirmishes have been reported in the streets. A little fat halfling named Cormorant and his cadre of little fat troublemakers allegedly launched an unprovoked attack on a band of wandering greenskins. The area of Southgate was left in a mess, more so due to the after-fight outburst of the greenskin's deaf captain than from any inter-gang violence.

A local shopkeeper had this to say: “Bloody ingrates. I've had this net shop for longer than I can remember, and now it's trashed. If I don't see that Deffgit for another fifty years I'll be a very happy man!”

There is no end to the violence. Another brawl broke out around the harbour. The gentleman scholar Raziel was unlawfully assaulted by a feckless mob of brutish orcs. The poor fellow was minding his own business when he and his retinue were jumped. Such disregard for order is an atrocious affront to all this newspaper stands for and must not be tolerated. We are legally obliged to tell you that some rabies-ridden, pox flustered, syphilitic imbeciles have speculated that Raziel may be a vampire or a werewolf. But these are merely ravings that do nothing but despoil his aristocratic name.

So, dear readers, until next issue we can only say this: Stay safe, stay indoors, and avoid these inbred so-called 'adventurers' like the plague; knowing them they probably carry it. After all, we have no idea what disease choked wasteland they're coming from.

http://www.findmyed.com/media/krakenreal.jpg

Godfather Viktor

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"Stinky lil' oomie! Da blood sucker an' hiz spooky oomiez sneak'd uz! Ya speaks like a dirty grot again and me'll really krush ya!"
Reportedly said by the vicious Orc Boss Uglhog 'eadkraka on hearing a paper boy advertising last "Slippery Fishwife" issue. The poor boy is now in the capable hands of the local Sisters of Shallaya in order to recover from the aggression.

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Last edited by Godfather Viktor (2009-02-17 00:32:41)

zelophahad

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Rumours also abound about

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WarbossKurgan

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Brilliant stuff Andy!

Andy wrote:
A local shopkeeper had this to say: “Bloody ingrates. I've had this net shop for longer than I can remember, and now it's trashed. If I don't see that Deffgit for another fifty years I'll be a very happy man!”

Frog

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that picture is great! good stuff andy!

Andy

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The Slippery Fishwife – Issue Two

Alas, dear readers, our efforts are thwarted, our attempts at revolution stymied. These no-good rogues still swarm about our blissful isle. Rise up, we say. Grab your pick hammers, your fish hooks, your crab claws and your marlin spikes and toss them back into the briny deep. But, in the meantime, serious journalism is on the cards.

More macabre goings on are making the headlines. That festering tower at the heart of Vercuso, that eyesore, that blister upon the flawless heel of our land, is once again the talk of town. Housewives gibber of wild eyes in the night, and of creepers spilling from the base of the spire. Leathery, membranous wings can be heard flapping in the night, an occasional scream, and hacking laughter.

Three people have been reported missing this week: A common roper, a candlemaker's wife and a gravedigger. Quite strangely, witnesses reported that the latter wandered through the streets the night before his disappearance, vacant faced, eyes wide, shambling forwards on broken ankles, moaning softly. These fables are most outrageous and we can say with one-hundred percent certainty that they will be the ravings of beggars and miscreants.

Such disturbances are not unique. Rampant brawling has spilled out onto the streets of our glorious port town. A wild skirmish erupted earlier this week. The notorious half-wit, Hansel, and his band of vapid, useless bounders were ambushed whilst delivering a hoard of treasure to the island's governor. After the battle, whilst clutching a wounded head, he remarked that it was to buy weaponry and food for his men, but the Fishwife staff believe his reasons to be a little sneakier. And we are always right.

The ambushers, a motley assortment of sadistic elves, tubby halflings and vicious undead clashed at the heart of our town. The as yet unnamed elf was ousted first, and was seen running girlishly away with a man-sized bundle behind him. Cormorant, the fat devil, and the bestial thing from the netherworld butted heads. The outcome was predictable and very costly to the denizens of Vercuso.

In other news, a mysterious figure came to our offices this morning, cloaked. We could not see his face and he spoke in naught but a whisper. He insisted, note – at the tip of a blade – that we inform all of the 'glorious' adventurers about Vercuso, that he holds a wondrous trinket for those who impress him most.

So rise, fair citizens, and get these troublemakers off of our island.

http://www.vore.net/newsgroups/Kuo-Toa-Leviathan.jpeg

Added 02.24.2009 17:02:22:
Sorry for the delay, guys. Was at a BB tournament all weekend and didn't have a chance to write it.

Andy

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The Slippery Fishwife – Issue Three

Damn you, dear readers. Damn you to rot in Davy Jones' prawn-swaddled belly. We urged you, we clamoured at your doors and shouted upon the streets. We published that you should rise and cast these wretched invaders from our shores; but there have been no glorious mutinies, no valiant clashes with these stench-ridden charlatans.

But lo, your failings as citizens of Vercuso is small news when placed next to what has occurred over the island in the weeks gone by. But first, we offer an apology to you, our dearest readers, for we have been lax and idle in our journalistic efforts. It has been many moons since our last issue, but the fault is not completely our own. For you see, strange and ghoulish happenings are rife about the island, as you, dear readers, are probably aware. It was not one day after our latest issue had gone into circulation that our editor was dragged from his office by a winged creeper, pulled through the window and never heard from again.

And it was for seven days and seven nights thereafter, upon the stroke of midnight, that the hellish fiend would return to the editor's sill and squawk like mad. We, as concerned citizens, feared that such a beast would soon turn its eye to the general populace, so we alerted the authorities. The commander of the town watch was unavailable for comment as he was attending his trial to answer allegations of corruption and incompetency. His aide had this to say: “It is of paramount importance that the civilians understand that there are no bogeymen wandering the streets at night. These tales of monsters and daemons are just foul rumours stirred up by the new arrivals. Vercuso has been one hundred percent crime free ever since our glorious commander took office. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong, and will be arrested accordingly”.

And that very night our offices were besieged by a horde of the rotting undead. These bogeymen, that apparently do not exist, dear readers, are here, and they are legion.

Trouble is brewing, as trouble always does brew on Vercuso. This fabled relic, this Seal of Sigmund, has been found. It was an elf by the name of Darth More, a man who has touched the depths of depravity and come out laughing. There were whispers abound that it had been spotted by the docks by a beggar, and so this cursed thinling descended upon him with murder in mind. The valiant half-wit, Hansel, and his band of self-righteous witch hunters gave their all in protection of the beggar, but to no avail. The vagrant was slaughtered, the templars routed, and the Naggarothians made away with the Seal. Hansel was later seen running directly toward Slippery Jack, and this was the last reported sighting of him clothed.

And with the Seal found, it was thought that the citizens of Vercuso could breathe a sigh of relief.. The artefact would be long gone and thus there would be no foreseeable reason for these troublemakers to stay. But no, dear readers, the foul elves stayed, the fighting continued and grew more fierce. Skirmishes still broke upon our streets. Vendors were maimed and properties were damaged. The Skullbashas, the Ogresuns, Cormorant and his men, the fell creature Raziel, all continue to make trouble.

And new arrivals have been seen. Mercenaries in yellow and purple garb were spotted earlier this week. Rumours are circulating of fresh orcs, sailing on the wild seas, that will be here by the week's end.

What are we to do, dear readers? Will you rise up, will you defend your homes, or will you cower meekly in the corners of your vandalised houses?

The decision is yours. Take up the sword, or die by it.

http://images.epilogue.net/users/higherdepths/cthulhurising_jasonjuta.jpg

Campaign Update:

So Dave won the first month's prize , The Ring of Urban Understanding, by having the largest warband increase for that month. But now it's a whole new kettle of fish. Whoever's warband rating has increased the most since the start of week five, up until Sunday the 5th of April, will receive the next prize. And this one will be bigger and better than the last.

At the moment it's Cormorant and his boys who are vastly ahead of everybody else, after Phil's spate of really quite radical advances. Our saviour lies in the unlikely form of Tim and his dark elves, who, even though still a way behind Phil, is the only one within reach of overtaking him. But with the Seal already in his possession, does Tim need any more fancy items?

Saul has the highest rating of us all, but it was already quite high at the end of week four, so not much of an increase. Did he peak too early, perhaps?

Viktor's warband growth has begun to slow a little, but is still rising at a steady pace. If he can have a few good games he may well be up for the prize – something I'm sure he wants after only missing out last time by six points.

Dave's progress is a mystery as he hasn't posted a rating in some weeks.

Andy's rating has fallen as much as everyone else's has risen.

And with Joe and Liam entering the campaign this Friday, could they turn out to be the wildcards?

zelophahad

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Yarrrr!

AWESOME newletter as ever Andy!

Godfather Viktor

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Andy wrote:
Viktor's warband growth has begun to slow a little, but is still rising at a steady pace. If he can have a few good games he may well be up for the prize – something I'm sure he wants after only missing out last time by six points.

Damn' it! Was I that close? Robbed by the undead
Great newsletter, BTW!
Where do you pick up all those great pictures?

Andy

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Godfather Viktor wrote:
Where do you pick up all those great pictures?

Google.

I began by typing things like 'Kraken', 'Leviathan' and 'Behemoth'. As the weeks wore on I ran out of ideas, so for the last one I just typed 'Water Monster'.

Godfather Viktor

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

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Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

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Andy wrote:
Godfather Viktor wrote:
Where do you pick up all those great pictures?
Google.

I began by typing things like 'Kraken', 'Leviathan' and 'Behemoth'. As the weeks wore on I ran out of ideas, so for the last one I just typed 'Water Monster'.

So you don't know who the painters are, I suppose...
That's a pity for I was really interested on that...

Andy

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

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Sorry. The first one is from some point in the 16th/17th century, no idea about the second and the third is from the Cthulu mythos.

JagerSquig

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

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Wahey Cthulhu

Davespaceman

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Godfather Viktor wrote:
Andy wrote:
Viktor's warband growth has begun to slow a little, but is still rising at a steady pace. If he can have a few good games he may well be up for the prize – something I'm sure he wants after only missing out last time by six points.
Damn' it! Was I that close? Robbed by the undead

hehehe undead for the win

Liking the latest edition of TSFW

My progress shall remain a mystery to you all for ever muahahahar

ok maybe not forever more like till tomorrow

Andy

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The Slippery Fishwife – Issue Four

Cry havoc, dear readers, and let slip the hogs of war. Our town is overrun; yes, by orcs and elves and walking corpses, and more besides. But one grubby group of miniature brigands have risen higher than the rest to become the true menace of Vercuso. They are halflings, squat and fat. Their overfed leader, a vicious little thing named Cormorant Ram's-Eye, has driven his undersized warriors deep into the heart of our fair town. And now, rumours spread of an item that has fallen into his possession – a trinket that has passed through generations of these Mootian people. We truly are doomed.

But, dear readers, they are not the only threat to breach our shores. A cutter was seen to dock upon our island in the stygian gloom of a Vercusian night. Witnesses tell that it remained anchored for only one hour. The mob say that no figures disembarked, but one, a boy of only eight, tells of thick-set, hulking shapes, clothed in black, shimmying down the ropes to slip away into the town. The boy claims to have seen green flesh beneath their dark wrappings.

And put on your Sonntag best, gentlemen, because women have made anchor. Unlike the beautiful maidens native to Vercuso, though, these hags are, from recent reports, wart-swaddled, flummoxed, blubber-laden harlots. But do not go mocking them openly, dear readers. Already they have stoved in the heads of numerous would be suitors and ransacked our beloved market square. They claim allegiance to the god named Sigmar, but none that claim to be holy would murder and slaughter as they have.

And what of the rest of our heathen troublemakers. Vandals and murderers all, they have reduced our fair isle to rubble. Where the docks once stood there now lies a ruin. The thronging crowds have faded; most are fearful of these killers.

And this item, this Seal of Sigmund, still rests in the foul clutches of Darth More and his vulturous lot.

And, dear readers, the greatest threat that our island faces has stirred. The foul necromancer, lurking in his blasted tower at the heart of town, has slithered from his pit for the first time in living memory. With a cluster of rotting minions at his side he entered the market square, moments after a brutal skirmish had taken place among the invaders. He approached the creature that had died at the centre of the square – a grotesque, mangled horse, with blackened flesh and membranous wings and three heads upon its twisted frame – and seemed to tend to it as a nurse tends to a dying man.

And then he rose and screamed. He turned to the few desperate souls that hid about the market square, including, dear readers, one of our off duty reporters, and promised great wealth and power to any who would bring him the Seal of Sigmund. And then he was gone in a puff of charcoaled smoke.

When asked to describe the sorcerer, our reporter could only say that he was masked and gruesomely horned, and had the reek of wet earth about him. But before our esteemed writer could divulge more, he burst into a mad fit and fell stone dead.

What menace now hunts us, dear readers? As always we ask vigilance of you in casting the usurpers from our shores, but in the face of such nightmarish developments, who else is there save us?

http://images.epilogue.net/users/megaflow/sea-monster.jpg

zelophahad

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Brilliant Andy!

WarbossKurgan

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Thoroughly cool.

Andy

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The Slippery Fishwife – Issue Five

There is nothing to report, dear readers. The invaders are still here, but they are hidden have not stirred. Not orc or man or halfling or necromancer have surfaced. All is quiet.

In other news, Frau Bitterwasser's cat got stuck up a tree a few days ago. The authorities were called and the feline was rescued. The animal was later described as 'doing fine'.

Also, little Gertrude Happylaugh celebrated her eighth birthday yesterday. There were cakes and candles and much revelry. Gertrude herself had a little too much food and was sick.

You see. There is no such thing as a slow news week.

http://imagecache01a.allposters.com/images/pic/PTGPOD/208924-FB%7ECat-Up-in-a-Tree-Posters.jpg

Frog

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WarbossKurgan

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It's all lies!

Frog

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Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JDispatcher::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/application/application.php on line 501

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 67

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 73

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFactory::getDBO() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 26

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::getPlugin() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 39

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 41

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRegistryFormat::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/registry.php on line 373

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::clean() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/format.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 42

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

you know andy, you have not said on here that the seal has been lost again! and ppl can search of it again!

Andy

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JDispatcher::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/application/application.php on line 501

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 67

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 73

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFactory::getDBO() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 26

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::getPlugin() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 39

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 41

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRegistryFormat::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/registry.php on line 373

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::clean() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/format.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 42

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Er, yes. Well... erm. Ahem. The Slippery Fishwife's staff aren't known for journalistic accuracy. Ahem.

Frog

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JDispatcher::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/application/application.php on line 501

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 67

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 73

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFactory::getDBO() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 26

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::getPlugin() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 39

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 41

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRegistryFormat::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/registry.php on line 373

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::clean() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/format.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 42

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

except for Frau Bitterwasser's cat.....

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/include/functions.php on line 621

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/include/functions.php on line 622

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/include/functions.php on line 623

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/include/functions.php on line 629

Last edited by Frog (2009-04-17 11:52:34)

zelophahad

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JDispatcher::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/application/application.php on line 501

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 67

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 73

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFactory::getDBO() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 26

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::getPlugin() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 39

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 41

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRegistryFormat::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/registry.php on line 373

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::clean() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/format.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 42

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Andy

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::importPlugin() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/components/com_agora/viewtopic.php on line 598

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 92

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_import() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 97

Strict Standards: Non-static method JDispatcher::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/application/application.php on line 501

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 67

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/emailcloak.php on line 73

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFactory::getDBO() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 24

Strict Standards: Non-static method JString::strpos() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/loadmodule.php on line 26

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::getPlugin() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 39

Strict Standards: Non-static method JPluginHelper::_load() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/plugin/helper.php on line 41

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRegistryFormat::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/registry.php on line 373

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::clean() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/registry/format.php on line 45

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 42

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getBool() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/plugins/content/pagebreak.php on line 43

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::getVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 217

Strict Standards: Non-static method JRequest::_cleanVar() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 151

Strict Standards: Non-static method JFilterInput::getInstance() should not be called statically in /data04/aroberts/public_html/libraries/joomla/environment/request.php on line 577

The Slipppery Fishwife – Final Issue

Scream, dear readers. All is lost, all is crumbling. Flee this cursed land while you still can. Those of you who still live, head for the beaches and the cliffs and find passage there. Do not go near the docks. As we write this our dockside offices are besieged by the dead. They clamour at our doors. We do not know how long they will hold. Fiends scuttle across our rooftops and burst through our windows. We have fought them back, but they still assail us. As our last act we distribute this warning to you, our dearest readers, via our noble carrier pigeons.

Some of the invaders have left, but still some remain, and they shall make their dash for freedom tomorrow. It will all culminate at our harbour. Vercuso is ruined. For fifty years it will lie thus, and only after such a time will it be rebuilt to its former glory, because of these 'adventurers'.

We must cut this article short, dear readers, for a crash has echoed from downstairs and I fear they have broken through.

It has been our pleasure to report to you, and to be your bastion of clarity and unbiased journalism. Remember us, dear readers, and speak well when we are mentioned.

Flame On Forum

The Slippery Fishwife

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